Thursday, May 19, 2005

Tick, Tick, Tick...

Like a Hitchcock movie, the hours of Thursday, May 19, 2005 tick away. The suspense is building. Do they have enough? Will someone get "sick" again?

What with false alarms about appedicitis, bribery and\or entrapment (depending on your, ah, viewpoint), which independent is leaning which way and "What are those Newfies thinking about right now?", I fully expect a hostage taking to occur before 3:00 pm EDT.

You know, like someone who has the connections to get Belinda Stronach's phone number actually getting to Belinda and keeping her in a pit in the basement of the Barrhaven home of an unnamed Conservative MP until 7:30ish, where she will be released into the streets of Gatineau in a drug-induced haze.

Or perhaps a Conservative MP will be baited into a meeting about "an offer" at a West End restaurant. He will be seen at 5:00pm in the back seat of a black Lincoln, talking to someone as the car leaves the restaurant parking lot. He will not be seen again (well, until 2010, when rumours that he is, in fact, buried under the South Side Stands at Frank Clair Stadium will surface in an RCMP wiretap).

None of this will surprise me.

What a day. Who says Canadian politics are boring?

Tick, Tick, Tick....

Update 16:05:

No hostage taking yet. But working 4 blocks from the Hill, the rumours are swirling fast.

#1. Stephen Harper, in a surprise move, will cross the floor himself and join the Liberal Party. Apparently he has decided that this is the best way to become Prime Minister - rise up from within and wait for Paul to "retire" or perhaps have an unfortunate accident. "Besides, " said Harper to reporters, "being a Liberal is where the money is at."

Jay Hill, the Conservative House Leader, was reached for comment but could not be understood over the sobs and crying. He and most of the Conservative caucus are heavily sedated and were last seen entering "The Bare Fax" in Ottawa's Byword Marktet.

#2. A small alien ship has landed on the lawn of Parliamnet Hill. A large metallic robot exited and is now silently standing guard over the ship. Most ominously, a large blue "C" is emblazoned on the side.

The weather today is calling for a plague of frogs followed by light showers of locust near supper.

#3. The Lord God decended to Ottawa and was seen walking around Sparks street talking to Jack Layton. A large number of Liberal and Conservative MPs are reporting strange illnesses and are leaving the Canadian capital in droves.

A spokesman for God has stated that, with Jack's help, this whole sad affair will be ended soon.

Those are the hot ones. If you have any more, feel free to post them. It's been awfully quiet in the blogsphere today, as if everyone is holding their breathe. I'm bored of that. Let's have some fun.


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