Thursday, January 03, 2008

2008, the Year of 'teh stoopid'

2008 is only 3 days old and already it is clear that the theme of this year will be unapologetic, unmitigated stupidity. Some conservatives are outright advocating on behalf of ignorance and stupidity, so how could it not happen? Others are merely demonstrating it. Over and over again (hmm, kinda looks like a BT anti-feminist blogswarm of stupidity, no?).

So, in honour of this, the Year of Stupidity, I present my 2008 Predictions (which I am certain will be more accurate than this idiot's.) for stupidity:

1. George Bush will do something stupid. I'm hoping for something Gerald-Ford-falling-down-the-stairs stupid, but more likely it will be the magnitude of nuke Iran stupid. After all, this is the man who thought it was a good idea to invade and occupy a country on the cheap, based on lies that would be obvious afterward and still give massive tax cuts. This is the guy that thinks Pakistan is an ally in the War on Terra(tm) and that Pervez Musharraf is a champion of democracy. This lame-duck moron's last year in office will likely redefine stupid and I think we will all suffer for that for a long time.

2. More of our soldiers will die needlessly in Afghanistan. That is stupid. Beyond stupid. But since our current government isn't willing to change the mission to create the winning conditions (like forgoing tax cuts and dropping $13 billion in surplus on debt relief and instead investing it in the military so there are far more than 2500 soldiers there and that they have way better equipment) or to pull out completely. So we get more of the same non-working strategy that has bogged us down in quagmire.

3. The Conservative government and their slack-jawed supporters will use #2 to try to stifle dissent and opposition to the war. If you disagree with the mission, or think it needs to be changed or want to withdraw, why you are a traitorous Taliban sympathizer who probably likes little boys too and should be locked up. Yes, they are that stupid. They will then tell you that continuing the mission as-is is actually supporting the troops, while trying to get them a chance to win or get out alive is treason. Morons, every one of them.

4. Tony Clement will speak.

5. A group of fundamentalist Christians who wish to force women to wear conservative clothing, to be baby machines subservient to men will condemn 'the Left' for wanting to leave Iraq or Afghanistan because we are there to help rescue women in those countries from their evil Muslim overlords. No, they will not get the irony at all, why do you ask? Of course, there will be others who continue to, on one hand deride ALL Muslims as the greatest evil because of the rantings and beliefs of the Islamists minority, yet on the other hand continually agree with those beliefs. Very stupid.

6. A group of fundamentalist Muslims (probably in London) will blather on about jihad on a BBC or CBC interview, giving fodder to the fools for both #1 and #2. Of course our media won't mention they are about as "mainstream" in Islam as The Church of the Creator is in Christianity, because that won't whip fear and sell papers or advertising spots. Damn Liberal media!

7. Some idiot will claim that true conservatism is about free markets and free choice when it comes to dismantling our health care system and selling it off to their corporate buddies in the medical and insurance industries, but will turn around and claim the only way to fight drug abuse (a medical problem, like alcohol abuse) is with neo-staliniod, draconian laws that interfere with a free market, criminalize victims and clear the field for organized crime to prosper and profit. They will probably own stock in some private prison venture or pharmaceutical company. The BT peanut gallery will think this is a great idea, cheer it on and deride 'teh Lieberals' for creating the rise in crime which isn't happening and hasn't for 18 years. See #4.

8. Some of us will still think using 'teh' is witty.

9. A disgruntled boob who thinks restricting Access to Information, stalling on regulations for lobbyists and trying to control the media is 'accountability' and 'transparency' will complain in the comments that this post is too anti-Conservative, and besides, what about the Liberals? He or she may or may not be an economist or a law student. They will be stupid.

Update:

10. Ah, thanks to the keen eye of JJ and via Dr. Dawg, we find that when it comes to stupidity, Kathy Shaidle (aka 'Five Feet of Cunt Snot') will never disappoint. Given the tone and quality of this post so early in the year, I predict she will regularly produce such horrendous, lying nonsense, as often as once very few day. Yet, she will still pass herself off as a "religious writer" and appear on The Agenda again, paid for, of course, by my tax dollars. And, again, no one on the show will challenge her hate-filled bigoted utterings and give her some respectability she most certainly does not deserve. One can hope that when that does happen, Dr. Robert Buckman will hold her down while Warren Kinsella beats her senseless with a leather-bound copy of the Law Society of British Columbia's decision against neo-Nazi defending lawyer Doug Christie.

Upper-date:

11. Sweet mother of Pearl, its a freakin' epidemic of stupid today. I could not possibly have imagined the 'halal=Sharia Law in Ontario run for your white lives!' stupidity, how cana I even predict anything other than Mesopotamia West will certainly top this...

Is that enough? I think not. The wave of simple 'moronicness' that is about to wash over us all will come in forms even I cannot imagine. If you have any add, please leave them in the comments. I'll add the good ones to the list above, with all due credit of course.

Now, if you don't mind, I have some books to read and some research to do. We need to stave off the stupidity any way we can.

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19 Comments:

At 3:09 PM, Blogger jj said...

Hahahahaha! Great New Year's Snark, Mike. And every word of it will undoubtedly come true (if it hasn't already), the only variable being timeframe.

With at least one election on the way, 2 wars going on (and possibly 3), there should be a bumper crop of Stupid this season. I will report back on any sightings.

 
At 3:38 PM, Blogger Mike said...

Thank you Agent 99...keep me in the loop.

 
At 4:45 PM, Blogger jj said...

Reporting in, 86! My first sighting of Teh Stooopid (for today): "Progressives cheered on 9/11"

Over and out.

 
At 8:55 PM, Blogger Dave said...

Woo. Just got off a long tough trip.

Dizzy.

You're post was great! Let's keep at 'em Mike.

 
At 12:47 AM, Blogger Red Tory said...

Great rant.

What a shame it’s all so terribly predictable... ;)

Today btw he's claiming that progressive taxation is "Marxist" if you can believe it. Teh stupid, it burns.

 
At 12:58 AM, Blogger Mike said...

Thanks Red...partly inspired by something you wrote a week ago or so and partly based on the "praise for being stupid" Chet linked too.

Plus I realized most of what pisses me off about these guys is just how incredibly stupid they are, yet how 'brilliant' they think they are being.

Progressive taxation is Marxist? Lordy...

 
At 8:10 AM, Anonymous finn said...

Your NDP roots are showing, Mike. All the examples of stupidity you give, and I agree that they are stupid, come from the right, as anyone would expect from a socialist. It is surprising that a supposed libertarian would not be even a bit critical of stupidity from the left.

 
At 2:36 PM, Blogger Mike said...

Well finn, feel free to provide examples of stupidity from the left and I'll happily make a prediction. Dion appointing a woman to run in Saskatchewan instead of allowing the local riding to choose only months after condemning the Cons for doing the same thing in Toronto is pretty stupid. Thinking the government can dictate solutions to problems is pretty stupid too.

But frankly, when it comes to stupidity, the left is minor compared to the absolute breadth and depth of the mouth-breathing stupidity of the right, especially the social conservative right. And so far this year, they are the only ones doing some pretty stupid things.

With no Olaf, Greg Staples or Andrew Anderson to raise the IQ, the BT and right blogsphere is nothing but stupidity these days.

But please, feel free to provide expamples...I'll gladly add anything to the list, left or right, if it is truly and breathtakingly stupid.

 
At 9:36 PM, Blogger Catelli said...

Good rant Mike, though I have to ask, how will these predictions of stupidity distinguish 2008 from 2007?

;)

 
At 9:39 PM, Blogger Mike said...

Volume, Catelli, volume.

 
At 10:16 PM, Blogger Raphael Alexander said...

1. Your speculation may yield some truth.

2. I think we do need more boots on the ground, and an increase in military spending, but not at the expense of repealing the tax cuts. There are savings to be found in many areas of bureaucracy and spending, and if you want an example, there is no better one than the expansion of the HOC.

3. I think Harper will use a confidence motion to sink the government, followed by a spring election based on a new mandate.

4. [...]

5. Who cares what Christian fundies want?

6. " " " Islamic " "?

7. I could go for a two-tier system to alleviate the public sector.

8. I hope not. It's quite the opposite, actually.

9. [...]

10. See #5.

 
At 10:29 PM, Blogger Mike said...

Well Raph, glad to see we agree on something. My #7 is really just pointing out the hypocrisy or believing in free markets when it suits you and disregarding free market economics when it goes against their socially conservative (and factually wrong beliefs)

You may not believe this but I am a free market libertarian. I don;t think there are any in the CPC, but what we call 'vulgar libertarians' - those that use libertarian rhetoric to promote corporatist and unfree policies and state intervention on behalf of their cronies.

 
At 8:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The more a man knows, the less he talks.

Sincerely,

The real source of your anger

 
At 9:01 AM, Blogger Mike said...

Uhhhmmm, yeah....

Ok anon 8:59, whatever....

Try to stay on topic, really.

 
At 10:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

On topic? But I am the topic, no matter what the topic is.

Sincerely,

The real source of your anger

 
At 12:30 PM, Anonymous Mikes a Joke said...

Uh yeah, all those 'Free-Market Libertarian Liberals' are just busting down the doors these days.

I guess it's hard to realise you are a hypocrite when you are so busy hoping and praying others are more hypocritical than you are.

Signed,

A Real Free Market Libertarian, not an NDP pansy.

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger Mike said...

Gosh what devastating wit from an anonymous coward.

Actually, I'm not even sure what you are saying.

BTW, look around moron. I haven't been in the NDP for a year. I quit when I became a libertarian.

And nothing I have ever said or done changes the fact that the Conservatives are the most slack jawed stupid bunch of twits this country has seen. They are liars and hypocrites and their fans are too stupid to figure that out.

The Liberals and the NDP are only marginally better, but not much. Hence the reason I don't support any of them.

But hey, when in doubt, claim I'm 'teh libural'.

I'll just bet you are MAS, coward.

 
At 11:32 AM, Anonymous NDP Mike said...

Only a fool can actually pretend that the NDP and Liberal parties are more closely alligned with Libertarianism than the Conservative's.

But again, you really are not concerned with Libertarian principles as you are with fitting in with your liberal fascist friends, that much is clear.

I just think it's funny you pretend you have any princple's at all.

Signed,

A Real Libertarian, not and NDP patsy.

 
At 11:56 AM, Blogger Mike said...

Yes that's right, its the Liberals and the NDP that want to arrest and detain people without charge or trial. Its the Liberals and the NDP who are currently suing our stolen tax dollars to fight a foreign war. Its the Liberals and the NDP who are taking some of those same stolen funds for corporate welfare for their friends in the tar sands.

Its not the NDP or the Liberals who wish to use the powers of the state to prevent tow consenting adults from engaging in behaviour they agree to. Its not the NDP or the Liberals who wish to ratchet up the drup war and fill the jails with people guilty of victimless crimes.

I think its funny that you think the Conservative Party of Canada is even remotely libertarian at all. They are as statist and in my opinion more statist than either the Liberals or the NDP.

"liberal fascist"

Oh dear gawd, you probably think Jonah Goldberg is a libertarian too?

Go away now sonny, the adults are trying to talk.

 

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